As an HGTV addict, decorating diva, and novice tool operator, I’ve often watched others do home improvement projects and thought, “I could do that.” Of course, the thinking is much easier than the actual doing. While I think about the logistics of a potential project, I remind myself that I have a college degree, so I must be reasonably intelligent. I figure, if that guy can crack the code of tile installation, surely I can. 
Unfortunately, this is about as far as I get in the process. Ultimately, I remind myself construction things like tile and wood are heavy…even heavier than me. I don’t own a tile saw, and if I rent one, who will put it in my car and teach me how to work it? My husband reminds me that he is not handy, has no desire to be handy, and is perfectly satisfied with the current status of our home. “Don’t forget the children,” whispers a small voice in my head. Oh…the children. Maybe they could help? How much weight can a four year old carry? Can my eleven year old operate something sharp that plugs in? How valuable are his fingers? Is it possible to strap my newly born infant to my back while I work? Maybe I could train her to hang on like a baby chimp. Can you hear the narration? “See the mother stand on the side of the tub as she reaches for the final twist of the new plumbing fixture…her infant knows she must hold on for her life. The baby cries as mother quickly shoves a pacifier in with one hand while the other skillfully adjusts the shower head.”
Recently, my husband and I have locked our abstract horns. I want to continue the home improvements. He does not. It’s important to note that he has not participated in my many projects; unless you count the time spent writing checks to contractors. He really has indulged me quite a bit over the years. Last year we gutted our bathroom and completely remodeled it. Note, when I say we, I mean I picked out things and he paid someone to put them in. Sadly, husband has declared the home improvement well is dry. Like the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld, Husband has declared, “no home improvement for you!” My grief is palpable. What now? What will I do with myself? Getting bids, choosing colors and managing contractors is my hobby! I’m not taking away his golf or football.
I have a plan. After all, necessity is the mother of invention. I will become a do-it-yourself girl…A Handy Mama. I will haul that tile up the stairs. I will lay cement board. I will grout. I will plumb and paint. I will do this and still be wife and mother to my family. I will sell old baby clothes to buy supplies! I will have a garage sale, a bake sale, a child sale. I won’t really sell the kids. I probably wouldn’t get what they are worth anyway. You know, nobody wants used kids anymore.
The Handy Mama 